Mary's Desire
Mary holds a secret, a desire that will consume her entirely. Warning: contains scenes of gore and dark themes. Read at your own risk.
“We may only be conscious of the thing which we desire, and may be impelled to make for it at once, without any calculation as to whether it will bring us pleasure or pain.”
- G. E. Moore
I am scared but...
Mary's eyes darted towards the figure standing across the room, his naked back highlighted by the bright light. He was busy working with some tools. She looked away and stared at the ceiling which was damp and saw a few cracks visible every now and then. The brushing sound of metal as they scraped against each other rang in her ears. Her interrupted thoughts went on But... Why do I feel so excited? as she lay there naked, strapped unto a metallic table unable to move.
It wasn't what Mary expected, at least not in the beginning. A popular girl who had many admirers among her peers and an upcoming track and field star, she also excelled academically and tried her best to be the perfect daughter. This and her beauty did make her — almost perfect. But Mary held a secret she kept close to her heart. A secret she could tell no soul — except him.
One day after grabbing coffee, as was her routine before she sat down to read a book in the old cottage her grandfather had built by the lake, during spring break; she bumped into a man who had curious bright amber eyes. He had a charming face that came with an equally charming smile. Mary's heart fluttered before she noticed that he had picked up the book she had dropped and was in the process of handing it to her.
"I'm sorry" he said
"Oh! Don't worry about it" she responded absently as she quickly took her book from him. Did he see it? She gave him another look.
"Interesting book...", he smiled and looked at her intently, "I find them fascinating too"
Oh no… Does he think I am a freak now? God! Why must it be someone like him of all people? Wait! Who even is this guy? And why should I care? Her heartbeat continued to pace racing against itself and her running thoughts.
"I'm sorry, my name is Henry — Henry Jackson. I just moved a few days ago to this town" He said in a friendly manner with a little amusement written on his face.
"I'm — Mary. Mary Bellflower."
"Hello Mary. It's nice to meet you.", he reached his hand out in greeting.
"Pleased to meet you too" she said as she briskly shook his hand before quickly moving hers away.
"Mary Bellflower... quite a beautiful name"
Her cheeks went pink. "I'm sorry, I need to get going, if you don't mind." she abruptly said without even thinking.
"Oh!" he looked a little pained. "I guess I better get going too." he said.
"Welcome to Ash Lake"
"Thank you"
Mary smiled meekly and as she turned around he said "Enjoy your interesting book". Her heartbeat increased and she felt warm to her toes.
Thoughts ran a marathon through her head as she walked briskly, something she had never done before, towards Ash Lake, the namesake of the town she lived in. What was she so nervous about? Who cares? I care... She shook her head and tried to push the thoughts away as soon as she saw the old cottage.
Taking the key from her pocket, she opened the door and went in. She carefully placed her book on the table by the window that looks out towards the serene lake. Dusts flew in a swirl when she opened the window to exchange the stale air trapped inside. Taking her seat on a chair next to the table, she opened the book to where she had her bookmark. Where's the bookmark? Oh no! I must have not noticed in my hurry. What a klutz! Did he have it? She abruptly closed her book and sighed. I guess I will have to go back.
The bookmark was a gift from her parents when she graduated at the top of her class during middle school. It was made of thin aluminum upon which her dad had etched in an illustration her mom had made and then anodized it. She can't afford to loose it. So she picked up her undrunk coffee before tossing it into the garbage can and made her way back in a hurry to the coffee shop, closing the door to the cottage after her. She hoped that her bookmark was still somewhere within the vicinity.
She saw that Henry was sitting by the glass pane reading a newspaper as she approached the store. She quickly turned her face away before he could notice her and started looking down at the pavement, trying to find the bookmark she lost. How could I not have noticed? It should have made a sound when it fell… I was too distracted. Take a deep breath, her thoughts ran in a hurry.
A sudden tap on the glass made her turn and she saw Henry was smiling at her and waved. She hesitated to wave but did so in an awkward fashion. I am sooo not myself right now. He gestured for her to come in and she walked demurely towards the shop unsure why she naturally accepted the offer. Calm down, this isn't some romantic movie. Why did I even think that?
Her foot heavily trudged towards where Henry sat.
"Do you want anything to drink, coffee, tea? My treat"
"Ah — No thanks" she said, now regretting her choice to approach him. Perhaps I should go? Turn around and try to look outside once more? But then again… She looked to him and saw his distinct features, that subtle dimple and thick set brows highlighted by those glowing amber eyes that rested on that charming face. Her cheeks warmed up and she felt a little embarrassed.
"Oh! I found this by the way, glinting at one side of the pavement" he said, taking out the bookmark from his pocket. "I figured it could be yours, I was going to hand it over to you but I had no idea where you'd gone to"
He placed the shiny red metal bookmark with a beautiful etching of two plants crossed at the stems on the table and slid it towards Mary who was all too eager to get it back. In that eagerness she touched his hand which caused her to quickly remove it again. He saw her reaction and gently removed his hand.
Mary's embarrassment grew as she slowly once again reached for the bookmark and picked it up before stowing it away inside her jacket pocket.
“I'm sorry, I was rude earlier… Thank you. I don't know what I would have done without this”
“No worries. It's a beautiful bookmark, though I am unfamiliar with the plants in it. What are they?”
“It’s an amaranth and a spider lily”
“I am not familiar with those. Are those your favorite flowers?”
Mary decided that perhaps she should spare sometime to talk to this Henry as recompense for finding her bookmark. She took a seat and saw Henry beaming a smile. God! He looks gorgeous, Mary blushed some more.
Henry raised his eyebrows waiting for her to answer.
“I requested it, my mom drew it for me and my dad etched it in”, and as if anticipating his curiosity as to her decision she went on quickly to say “I just like them”
“I see. Your family is quite talented. Do you know Joe from Joe's garage?”
Mary nodded uncertain about the direction the talk is heading.
“Joe's a distant relative, he’s helping me out at the moment. Start a new life and all that.”
“I see. Where are you from?”
Henry gave a pained smile. “Oh! I am from Hamburg, I’m not German but I was born there. My parents, were originally from here, we moved a lot so I've been here and there. I frankly grew tired of it and decided to settle here in this sleepy town with Uncle Joe. Start my new life where my roots are. What about you?”
“I was born and raised here for most of my life. But I am currently only visiting my parents for spring break”
“Not your typical way to spend spring break.”
“I am not exactly typical”, blurted out Mary before she could stop herself. What am I doing? Think girl! Am I flirting? I could die right now.
“I kind of figured you weren't, given the book you're reading. Not many would be into that stuff, you know, sure they might be curious but getting into the gritty details of crime scenes isn’t really palatable. Not that I care, I am interested in it too. I am hoping to study psychology. Gotta save up for it and that's why I do part time work at Joe's. You?”
Upon hearing this Mary's heart began to beat loudly. She always felt awkward around her peers and parents who she saw were too normal. And she knew deep inside she was anything but normal.
“I'm actually studying to be a neurologist. The book… ” she consciously flipped the book down, an action Henry noticed. “it's just a hobby”
“I see. Do you want to take a walk?”
Mary was caught by surprise at this question and noticed that Henry had look to her and then glanced to the book she had flipped down. An understanding grew and she felt relieved. She nodded happily. Why not? What's the worse that could happen? Besides this is Ash Lake, nothing ever happens in Ash Lake. Perhaps someday…
“On second thought, perhaps I might take you up on that offer of coffee after all” she said as Henry stood up.
“Sure, what will it be?”
“Black”
Henry beamed a smile as he headed to the counter to order two cups of black coffee to go.
Mary followed him, clutching her book with its back facing the world.
They got to talking as they walked out and realized they shared a lot in common. A whole lot of things in common.
That was how it began. Mary thought back as she felt her body stiffen from immobility and the cold surface touching against her bare skin. She felt confusing feelings but as she once again look towards the naked figure of Henry as he was lining up his instruments on a metal trolley that stood next to him, she remembered how she became infatuated over him and he towards her. And how she one day told him of her secret desire when Henry confessed to her of his past, how he was trying to change but she coaxed him to accept who he was — is. He is perfect.
Henry hummed a tune and Mary's heart fluttered once more. She's unable to tell whether this is because of fear or excitement. Perhaps it's both. It doesn't matter now because finally after 2 years of dating, they are going to finally do it.
She closed her eyes to take in the cold sensation of the metallic table against her bare skin, of the humming of the man she made love to not long before, of the primal passion that consumed them and of her eagerness towards the conclusion of her secret desire. Sorry mom, sorry dad, I can’t ignore my desire any longer. She thought feeling a little selfish.
She saw Henry push the trolley lined with scalpels and other equipment next to her metal bed.
“Will it hurt?”
“It will be quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise.”
He brushed her blonde hair from her face, and leaned to kiss her lips.
She kissed him back.
“I have a request. Can you sing for me?”
“You may not hear all of it”
“It doesn't matter, I want your voice to be the last thing I hear”
He smiled looking a little pained. She saw him gulp down his nerves.
“Its okay baby, this is — was who you always were” she whispered.
Henry took the syringe and injected it into Mary. The sedative slowly worked its way towards the whole of Mary's body and she slowly felt herself numbed to any sensations.
Henry looked at her a little confused. I love her, she is everything to me. She understands me more than anyone, but I promised her. He quickly shrugged his thoughts off. He started to unstrap her and waited a few minutes.
Holding the scalpel, Henry began to slowly open her up from the navel upwards, the sharp blade sliding through the skin like it was butter, singing as he did so, just like the old days, only this time he felt more conflicted, the song a little more personal.
“Mary, Mary, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy all for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage”
Henry saw the life slowly leave Mary's eyes as she smiled and a part of him died replenished by a growing excitement. Her warm blood slowly bathe her torso. Exquisite!
“But you will bleed upon the street
With your guts blooming out of you.”
He carefully laid her guts out and with practiced hands, intricately arranged them to form a blossom.
“Mary, Mary, I'll show a love that’s true
I go crazy because of my love for you
It won't be a happy ending
Our love is just beginning”
He carefully pried her chest open, cut her still warm heart delicately and placed it between her hands as if she was clutching it underneath her bare beast. He then proceeded to carefully insert cut spider lilies alternately with amaranths inside her chest to surround the centerpiece. He brushed more of her golden locks tenderly and took a few steps back.
“But you will live eternally
The moment I'm through with you”
Teardrops fell from his face as he examined his masterpiece. He leaned in again to kiss her now cold lips, took the glinting bookmark next to her fresh corpse and held it to his chest.
Beautiful. An eternally beautiful death.
Your beautiful memory will live forever in death.
Authors note:
I know there are readers that find stories like this unnecessarily upsetting. And no, I am not inclined to such fantasies but this story is nevertheless, based on a news I read in Germany some 4-5 years back, I wasn't sure when exactly and no, I do not keep URL copies of such weird news, nor do I remember how I even came across it in the first place but it was the content that stuck in the back of my memory.
Basically, two consenting adults who met online through a very deviant community cannibal cafe met up in person in order to make love hook up as it was a one way exit and do something more. One was the the consumer cannibal and the other desired to be consumed human meat. It was a neighbor who reported a foul stench that lead to the discovery of the consumer cannibal getting arrested. This was certainly a very bizarre story that it was kept in the dark storage on my mind as one of those strange and bizarre aspects of humanity, something I would highly discourage but is beyond my or anyone’s control.
But that wasn’t what led me to writing this. It was Macabre Monday then and while I read a story, the song Daisy Bell was playing and my toddler was listening to it, immediately my mind switched to making a different kind of tune being tuned to the whole macabre theme and then somehow I remembered that story I just mentioned.
Apologies to Henry Dacre fans as I literary butchered the song Daisy Bell. Got the inspiration to intertwine kid songs/nursery rhymes from the Queen of crime and mystery Dame Agatha Christie.
Also, to those who have noticed the symbolism I added in this piece, feel free to comment and tell me what you found.
In general, I don't like this kind of material, but you handled it really well. It takes a gentle touch to do that. As a reader, I find myself wishing that Mary and Henry could get help rather than wanting to condemn them, though Mary drags Henry back into a pattern that can't possibly end well, and Henry isn't strong enough to resist, even though he loves Mary. What's the best analogy? It's sort of like people being in hell but not fully realizing that they are.
I remember that news story! It was so unreal. I love this insane flip on a rom-com.